Kelli Korn, Counseling for Children, Teens, & Families, LLC

Kelli Korn Counseling, LLC
Counseling for Individuals, Couples, Groups, and Families

Kelli Korn Counseling wouldn't exist without our awesome clients! Client's Corner is a place where our clients can share insights, poems, art, letters, and other items that they have created or discovered to help them during their journey.  (All items shared at at the consent of our clients, and we obtain their full permission on what information and items are shared.)

Written by a 19 year old male who successfully dealt with a heart break.


Grief,
The stages of grief show us that we are humbly human,
With no guideline on how to love but learning constantly on how to,
I can say I had dreams for my future but she wasn't the one,
Why?
I can tell you I drowned in every fear and doubt in the contempt I held myself in for love is a dicey game of give and take,
But yet I give and give to the one who takes and takes and takes...
So how is this fair, is their something wrong with my outlook on love? 
Why?
Why did you walk on the pieces of my heart that you shattered on the floor knowing that it was hurting you? Hurting us...
For I will never stop giving to the you, the one I loved because there isn't anything I wouldn't give, sacrifice, or carry for you.
Most would say that's not what loves about and I know that isn't love but love is like a platoon of two in a world of war! No man gets left behind so if you need my rations, I'll starve. If you need my water, I'll wither away. If you need me to take a bullet, i would sacrifice my life for you! All with the intention of saving my love in arms...
So when does it become enough? When the hurtful words are exchanged or the lack of caring for the others emotions?
Well to be honest, I fail to draw that line. You can whip me while I'm down and push me to keep me there and yet I would still kiss your feet because I lacked the power to say stop. The only weakness I had was the weakness for caring too much of what you thought of me. Of caring when you told me that I messed up and that I made this happen but yet we both know it takes to tango. Of caring when you made me sit in your car vulnerable eating every word you said to me just because I wanted to make you happy and win you back! Win the person who yelled at me and told me I was not good enough for them after everything I did and was doing? I realize that two broken people don't make a whole but who has the right to want to hurt the other more? Even after the biggest betrayal of saying goodbye and yet you said it over and over until I was grew used to the pain of you saying goodbye and the thought of loosing you for ever. With each time knowing it would hurt but yet the words remained to be false. You dangled the carrot in front of my face while you took every gift I gave, energy I lacked but spent, and love I could give. And weeks later after saying you loved me, attacking my character and who I was. But your biggest mistake was that I didn't know who I was so who you attacked wasn't strong enough to show you that you were wrong. That every time you spit in my face while I looked to you for help and every time I begged for mercy and you offered none. You only made me stronger. You tore me down the foundation I shakily was held on and when you left me for good... I built myself back up but with thick bars of steel and hardened cement not even a nuclear disaster of pain could break. I know I messed up times and I know I fucked up there. I own my sins and I wish I could redeem them but I can't. With the strength now I can carry those burdens and grow a stronger back. But I forget that I wasn't always the bad guy or bad boyfriend. Was I that person who classified when I made sure you were taking care of or rushed to your side when you were low? I COULDNT fix a broken person. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fix that you were sad or that your family didn't like. And the worst part of all is that I blame myself for it. For I feel guilty for not stopping the path we were taking because it was slowly destroyed us as people and as a team. You were my world and I was yours but I was too young and naive to think that it wasn't healthy. I wish pushed you harder to other things but every time I tried we would just end up back in each other's arms. I was drowning towards the end, the person I was is not who I am but yet you couldn't see that. All you saw was what I had done to you and what I lacked to give you. I allowed you to beat me black and blue while I cut my wrists so I could bleed to show you that I was still like you. With emotions and needs like any other person and when I was neglected and overwhelmed with the stress and drama you brought to me, I lost myself in that. I'm trying to solve your problems that you created by yourself. Tortured by the thought of you hurting, I forgot to look at myself and see that I was not good for you. I'll take responsibility for my part and for the end but I can't help but think you don't take yours? As if you did nothing wrong and everything I gave was something you were entitled to. But what I didn't expect was the pain, the hurt, the anxiety, and the fear would fuel my souls fire so that rages inside me to do good. A fire that was made so that it could build the metal and melt the hinges together of the iron storm that it's enemies fear and people follow for they respect this person who lost his everything and found something more. They see his compassion and love that you failed to give to me. The mercy and strength he shows so when they are done and not able to walk, he will carry them until they can. Something you failed to do when I begged for it. Some would say it's sad or unnecessary but I pray for happiness because I never want you to be sad or unhappy. I ask for you to live a full life and that you achieve everything you want because no one deserves to be put through what you put me through not even you. So you can block me just to spit on me more even though my eyes were blind to your life. You don't have to apologize even though you won't, for I forgave you for everything you did to harm my feelings knowing what you said would, you can ignore my existence, my soul, but you will not break me or kick me on the ground because only the weak kick the broken whilst they ask for help. You do not deserve to see what I become or get to take credit for who I become but only take credit for breaking me until you had your fill. 

This piece was written by one of our teens clients and is a powerful look on how mental illness affects those around us. Such a powerful piece that we are so privileged to share!


Discussing Injury

      Anxiety. Schizophrenia. Bipolar disorder. Depression. Chances are some people in this room know someone that has one of these many mental illnesses. However, no one seems to talk about them. But what good does that do? Mental illnesses have always been in the category of “don't talk about these or you'll make every situation ever awkward”; they will forever be in this category if we don't make a change soon.

      There is a man with one of these mental illnesses. This nameless man has major depressive disorder. He has had depression for the past twenty years. He thought he could deal with it and not tell anyone; he thought he could get better all on his own. This man didn’t tell anyone about his condition, not even his family. Do you want to know why? He didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. He didn’t want people to treat him differently or change their behavior around him. It’s not like someone can sign his head or bake him a casserole to make him feel better. It’s not like he can get better in a week or a month. He doesn’t have an injury that can be healed with a couple visits to the doctor’s office. His illness stays with him forever, even if he is able to feel better.

      The amount of people that have a mental illness in the United States is unspeakable. About 1 in 4 adults over the age of 18 suffer from a diagnosed mental disorder. About 21 million adults suffer from a mood disorder including: depression, bipolar disorder, and dysthymic disorder. 2.4 million adults struggle with schizophrenia. 40 million people over the age of 18 have some sort of anxiety disorder. About 2 million adults deal with obsessive compulsive disorder. There’s even 7.7 million people walking outside dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. There are so many people walking their dogs, going to work, and having family dinners that can’t even tell people about their condition because they don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. This doesn’t even count the number of teens and children that deal with the stress of keeping their feelings and conditions inside because they don’t want to be looked at differently by their friends. These can be people who you go to school with, who go to work with your parents, these people can be anyone.

      Having a mental disorder doesn’t define these people either. The chemicals in their brains are just a little different than someone who doesn’t have a mental disorder. Mental disorders are like the little devil on your shoulder, and instead of having an angel on the other shoulder, you have two devils. But why is it so hard to talk about them and so easy to sign a cast for a broken arm or make meals for someone who is sick? Getting injured or even having cancer is so much easier to discuss because there is a chance to get better. Yet, there is always a chance to get better with a mental disorder.

      When people try to shove mental disorders under the rug, they are not taking the opportunity to learn more about the people around them. Being ignorant about these subjects isn’t helping anything. People should be more aware about how other people are feeling on a day-to-day basis. Even if you don’t know that person or don’t know if they have a mental disorder, just asking them how their day went can go a long way. It might not heal them, but it can replace the cloud over their head with sunshine. When they don’t discuss their mental illness with anyone, they don’t get the proper help they need. Having a support system full of friends and family can change someone with a mental disorder dramatically as well. Being able to talk to people about how they are feeling and about the kind of help they urge for can be just the thing they need. People with a mental illness won’t be able to get rid of the disorder but being there for someone with a mental illness can help them get one step closer to feeling on top of the world.

      The nameless man finally decided to tell the people around him. He had been in a situation where he was more depressed than he had ever been; he was at such a low point in his life. This man decided to tell his family. He opened up to them, which is something he had never been able to do before. His family was able to give him the overdue help he had needed. His family didn’t think twice about the man they knew for years. They didn’t think it was awkward or uncomfortable to talk about. This nameless man was finally a little happier than he had ever been in the past couple of years. Until he hit the next lowest point in his life. His family was still there for him, even when he didn’t think they were. He had an amazing support system that was there for him through all of the rocky and bumpy roads. Since he got the support from his family, he started his road to recovery. He is able to see the sun everyday. He thought his depression defined him, but it didn’t. There is so much more to him than anyone ever thinks. Now, when he tells people about his depression, people don’t feel uncomfortable or see the word “depression” plastered to his forehead; they see a kind, loving man who wants the best for the people around him. He was able to tell people about his story because of the support he got from his family and friends.This man can be anyone that you see outside, anyone’s parent, anyone’s teacher. This man, this nameless man, is my dad.

      

      

Bibliography

Dr. Prentiss Price-Evans. “Major Depressive Disorder.” All About Depression. All About

Self Help, LLC, 2013. Web. 22 January 2016.

National Institute of Mental Health. “Major Depression Among Adults.” National Institutes of

Health. National Institute of Mental Health. Web. 21 January 2016.

The Kim Foundation. “Mental Disorders in America.” The Kim Foundation. The Kim

Foundation, 2006 - 2014. Web. 21 January 2016.


The Semicolon Movement  (written and shared by one of our teen clients)


The Semicolon Movement is in support of Mental Illnesses. People all around the world are getting semicolon tattoos to support people with mental illnesses. The semicolon movement is a metaphor representing how you don’t ever really see semicolon’s in books and how we never really see mental illnesses on the outside. Another thing is we have to learn how to use semicolons but we rarely ever see them. Just like with mental illnesses, we learn about them but never really see them. Now, mental illnesses are not something that should be taken lightly. They warp your thinking so you struggle to see the positives that come your way and pass by you, at least in my case. The thing that everyone with a mental illness needs to know is that you are not alone and there are other people out there that are going through the same thing as you. If you know someone with a mental illness just tell them “I am here for you and I am here to stay. So for now keep your chin up and your head in the clouds;” Until next time… Peace out.

Journal Cover- "You make me see life from a new perspective."

Hidden


Don’t let the vague darkness give blindness in your eyes;


Let your heart illuminate both the beauty and the lies.


You won’t last in this life not reading in between the lines;


And getting with pain and all the hurtful lies.


This life is not perfect,


 A thought to keep in your mind


There are times you’ll have no choice,


Be prepared for surprises,  for events may quickly flip;


or else you’ll lose your grip and far away you’ll slip…


but to pray with your hands tied.


Into darkness,


and I refuse to believe I am the change.


A deep,dark, and bottomless pit.


I am part of a Lost Generation;


Because I hide a secret deep inside.


On the outside I am happy,


content, and maybe even beautiful, 


 but what you see is not always what you get.


Inside there is an afraid little girl,


who does not know what to do;


and feels like there is no escape.


She locks everyone out,


and refuses to let anyone in.


She hides it…


All of it.


People see her issues as weaknesses;


But they are signs of strength and determination.


The strength comes with pushing through so much…


That she breaks.


Then the real battle begins.


She has pushed through for so long on her own…


That now it is time for help.


Now the real rollercoaster is here.


Life is a rollercoaster.


There are ups and downs.


There are twists and turns.


And every once in awhile you find something you did not expect.


Life will never be perfect and the pain may never go away,


but you can find distractions.


Someone once said to the little girl.


She is now grown up,


and has a family.


But distractions are always better than pushing through.


The light opened possibilities she never thought were there…


Sometimes distractions are all you can get.


The light finally came through…


The light destroyed the bottomless pit,


the darkness, and the problems.


but were always there if she looked.

“Good Witches”


Good Witches do not

wear dresses of peonies

they do not say

“I am a Good Witch”

they are not

caricatures of happiness


Good Witches wear

sunsets like cloaks

they run with

bare feet

exposed limbs

and snake hair

through forests and foggy minds


They jump over stone walls

laughing as the

sticks crack

beneath them

they drum their midnight black claws

against tables

as if they were raised by wolves

and divine your future

in sidewalk cracks

modern-day Cassandras,

better listen

listen


they do not say

“I am a Good Witch”

they smirk, bear fangs

forked tongues spilling magik like moonlight

and make you figure it out yourself

Side Effects Include



Listening to the ravings of a lunatic-

No don't worry he's much better now and I-

And I'm the crazy one -

I can't-

Stop-

Stop-

Stop-


Ballad of a Dustbowl Lesbian


Peach blood raw skin kiss

fairyland dyke

burning my bra

and

the remaints of your sacred marriage